拉不拉多的不拉格

Every Friday is Happiness Friday.

We
all know that money can’t buy happiness … but many times we act as if
we’d be happier with a bit more money. We are conditioned to want to be
rich (when we know the rich aren’t happy either); we are trained to
want the latest gadget or style that television tells us to want; we
want to earn more money because then we’ll have the good life.
But
none of that will bring us happiness. No matter how much we earn, no
matter how much we have in the bank, no matter how nice our clothing or
cars or toys, none of it will make us happier. And the sad thing is
that it could take us decades of pursuing wealth and luxury items
before we realize this.
So what will bring us happiness? Luckily,
it’s three things that don’t cost a thing. These three things have been
proven by research — surveys of hundreds of thousands of people about
what they have, what their lives are like, and how happy they are.
Here they are, the Three Secrets to Happiness:

Good relationships.
We have a human need to be close, to be intimate, with other human
beings. Having good, supportive friendships, a strong marriage or close
and loving relationships with our family members will make us much more
likely to be happy. Action steps: Take time, today, to spend time with
your loved ones, to tell them what they mean to you, to listen to them,
and develop your relationship with them.

Positive thinking.
I’m obviously a big proponent of positive thinking as the best way to
achieve your goals, but it turns out that it can lead to happiness too.
Optimism and self-esteem are some of the best indicators of people who
lead happy lives. Happy people feel empowered, in control of their
lives, and have a positive outlook on life. Action steps: Make positive
thinking a habit. In fact, this should be one of the first habits you
develop. Get into the habit of squashing all negative thoughts and
replacing them with positive ones. Instead of “I can’t” think “I can”.
It may sound corny, but it has worked for me, every time.

Flow.
This is a popular concept on the Internet these days — the state we
enter when we are completely focused on the work or task before us. We
are so immersed in our task that we lose track of time. Having work and
leisure that gets you in this state of flow will almost undoubtedly
lead to happiness. People find greatest enjoyment not when they’re
passively mindless, but when they’re absorbed in a mindful challenge.
Action steps: Find work that you’re passionate about. Seriously — this
is an extremely important step. Find hobbies that you’re passionate
about. Turn off the TV — this is the opposite of flow — and get outside
and do something that truly engages you.

You’ve been given the Three Secrets to Happiness. Don’t waste them!

1. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is
   how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re
   thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel;
   whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking,
   or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be
   proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.
2. Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more
   you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When
   you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll
   surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.
3. Ease up on the internal life commentary. If you want to be
   happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always
   telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others
   feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s
   imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You
   have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you.
   Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about
   it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that
   event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.
4. Take no notice of your inner critic. Judging yourself is
   pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone
   else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse.
   Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you
   place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since
   you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective
   scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone
   else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view
   of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?
5. Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may
   make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce
   anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve
   done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and
   try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about
   what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.
6. Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you.
   Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy.
   Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you
   anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in
   you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick
   them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too
   busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and
   saying about them) to be concerned about you.
7. Stop keeping score. Numbers are just numbers. They don’t
   have mystical powers. Because something is expressed as a number, a
   ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn’t mean it’s true. Plenty of
   lovingly calculated business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish,
   nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don’t understand it, or it’s
   telling you something bizarre, ignore it. There’s nothing scientific
   about relying on false data. Nor anything useful about charting your
   life by numbers that were silly in the first place.
8. Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren’t working out the way you planned.
   The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you’ll go wrong. The
   world changes constantly. However carefully you analyzed the situation
   when you made the plan, if it’s more than a few days old, things will
   already be different. After a month, they’ll be very different. After a
   year, virtually nothing will be the same as it was when you started.
   Planning is only useful as a discipline to force people to think
   carefully about what they know and what they don’t. Once you start,
   throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.
9. Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions.
   To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness
   demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot. It’s their life. They
   have to live it. You can’t do it for them; nor can you stop them from
   messing it up if they’re determined to do so. The job of a supervisor
   is to help and supervise. Only control-freaks and some others with a
   less serious mental disability fail to understand this.
10. Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one.
    Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by your mind. It doesn’t
    exist in the real world. Personality is a word for the general
    impression that you give through your words and actions. If your
    personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change
    it, so long as you allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone’s
    personality in one place is a determined effort on their part—usually
    through continually telling themselves they’re this or that kind of
    person and acting on what they say. If you don’t like the way you are,
    make yourself different. You’re the only person who’s standing in your
    way.